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YUMMY MUMMY, LETTING THINGS SLIDE

July 31, 2012 7 Comments

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Recently I scanned one of those ‘what’s hot/what’s not’ columns at the front of a lifestyle magazine.

Under ‘what’s not’ I was interested to read that ‘yummy mummies’ were on their way out, because they were more prone to depression than ‘working mums who let things slide’.

Oh dear, I thought.

I’m a stay-at-home mum who lets things slide. Where does that leave me? My house is one dusty, crumby, snot-filled backdrop for a toy-bomb which explodes daily – and I don’t even have a paid job I can blame.

Even stay-at-home mamas can find it hard to keep on top of things! And that's OK - the kids are our priority. The housework can wait.

Seriously, stuff just gets deposited round my house and I know not how. I spend my days tidying and tidying, only to find that at the end of the day the house looks worse  – or, at best, the same as when we woke up.

A friend recently told me how she feels most of her days are spent keeping mayhem at bay. Nothing really moves on from the start to end of the day, but nothing gets significantly worse. That’s a win.

Our bedroom, successfully illustrating my point. It’s always the last room to get attention!

Much as I love the decision I’ve made to stay at home with my kids, it doesn’t come without sacrifice.

But I wouldn’t have it any other way. The last thing I want to do in ten years’ time is look back and regret this period of my life. If I’m going to forego my career for a while, I don’t want to forego my children too.

And the truth is, some things have to slide.

I just can’t spend proper time with the kids whilst also keeping up with all the housework. As part-and-parcel of Al’s job, we get a large house – a great perk, but totally overwhelming in terms of keeping it immaculate.

There are enough times in the day when I have to say “Not now, Mister”, “In a minute…”, “I just have to do this first…” because of housework that needs to be done (preparing meals, loading/unloading dishwasher, laundry) that engaging in any additional hoovering, dusting and general cleaning would surely be at my children’s expense.

Things I clean today will be dirty again tomorrow, whereas time I spend with my children today will reap huge benefits tomorrow. It is massively important to me that my children and I have a good, communicative relationship. If I don’t sow the seeds now – then when?

So, on the one hand, I’m riled by the assumption that it’s only (salaried) working mums who let things slide.

But on the other hand I’m comforted by the suggestion that this more laissez-faire approach to life has its advantages. Whoever we are, mummies or not, setting overly-high expectations for ourselves is not likely to result in much peace.

Oh, and for the record – I dislike the term ‘yummy mummy’ in most contexts. If you think I spend my time shopping, lunching with friends and frequenting spas, while my husband earns mega-bucks and someone else cleans my house, then I have two words for you. Clergy wife.

The happy little monkeys. They don’t mind a bit of dirt.

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. motherhoodisanart says

    July 31, 2012 at 9:16 pm

    Love it!! I’m with you girl!!

    Reply
  2. Alice says

    August 1, 2012 at 9:07 am

    I really appreciate what you said about time invested in our kids reaping benefits tomorrow that cleaning doesn’t! That’s so helpful to remember – I guess I like the way tidying up can bring tangible results that parenting doesn’t!

    The irony is that I am both untidy and easily distracted from my children!!!

    Reply
  3. caroline baynes says

    August 1, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    People matter more than things! Keep up the good work, and let the housework slide…

    Reply
  4. Jenny says

    August 16, 2012 at 10:18 am

    I too like Alice really like your comment about the long term benefits of spending time and communicating with children now – I find it very easy to be overwhelmed by housework and administrative work, and mentally have to set aside time to totally focus on L, but this is a great reminder of why! 🙂 Thank you! xx

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. DAYS LIKE THESE says:
    May 7, 2020 at 4:16 pm

    […] So the afternoon dragged. It wasn’t boring, it didn’t make me want to pack it all in, apply for teaching jobs and research childcare options. It just felt I was letting my kids down by not being the Mummy who could come up with any interestin… […]

    Reply
  2. MEMOIRS OF A PRESCHOOL MAMA (OR LETTER TO A NEW MAMA) says:
    May 14, 2020 at 12:20 am

    […] The voices come thick and fast: “But you’re a stay-at-home mum! You have no excuse! You don’t have a job to fit in! You’re not juggling enough! You’re lazy!” […]

    Reply
  3. #TOOMANYCHILDREN says:
    June 4, 2020 at 11:53 pm

    […] Lower standards. Facebook pictures of my friends’ newborn babies, sleeping sweetly in the cutest outfit, with a beautiful hand-knitted blanket, and just the right filter to make the picture canvas-worthy – this, my friend, is not a world that I inhabit. The older two dress themselves – they have to – which inevitably means Mister ends up in a blue T-shirt and muddy blue tracksuit bottoms, despite having patiently and repeatedly given him the fashion advice that blue and blue do not go together, and asked him kindly every night since he was 5 to please put your dirty clothes in the laundry bin – and Missy ends up wearing trousers, a skirt and a dress, topped off with a tiara, sunglasses and wellies. The younger two get dressed by me or Desert Dad – but, since we are both so dog-tired, our ability to put an outfit together which is a) clean, b) hole-free, and c) well-fitting is, quite frankly, non-existent. […]

    Reply

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