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THE A-Z OF THERAPEUTIC PARENTING – BOOK REVIEW

May 9, 2018 49 Comments

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I use affiliate links in some blog posts. If you click through and make a purchase, I earn a small commission at no extra cost to yourself. Thank you for your support.

I’m hugely excited this week to be sharing an absolutely brilliant book with you. The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting (Sarah Naish) was released a few weeks ago, and I have to tell you that it’s already revolutionising my parenting.

Wait…rewind a few steps…what’s therapeutic parenting?

It’s a style of parenting favoured by many adoptive or fostering parents – but with numerous benefits to birth parents too. Some may think it sounds a bit wishy-washy, as if you’re allowing your children to run amok with no boundaries, but the reality is pretty much the opposite.

Therapeutic parenting provides very clear and consistent boundaries for children (particularly important if these have been lacking in their early childhood), but it looks beyond the immediate, presenting behaviour to see the emotions being expressed and what they tell us about what a child might be struggling with. (Check out 5 Ways My Toddlers are Different from Yours for some idea of how an adopted child might behave.)

Children who have not been loved, nurtured and cared for in the first few years of life may well have difficulties in responding to people or situations, due to brain pathways not developing as they should. These difficulties can include: little understanding of cause-and-effect (the consequences of their actions), an overactive stress response, and struggles with daily transitions, to name but a few. (Check out the Four Types of Attachment Styles for more on this.)

Sounds complicated!

It is! And that’s where The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting comes in. The first part of the book gives a really helpful and practical guide to therapeutic parenting – what it is, why it’s necessary for vulnerable children, how it works in practice. And this is compacted into 70 odd pages.

It might sound like a lot, but whole books have been written on this subject – so Sarah Naish’s helpful analysis is very concise and readable, broken down into several chapters.

The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting by Sarah Naish (JKP), book review by The Hope-Filled Family, UK Christian parenting and adoption blog.

OK – but that all sounds a bit theoretical.

That’s where part two comes in!

The bulk of this book is given over to its title – an ‘A-Z’ of over sixty behaviours commonly presented by children, with clear bullet-pointed lists of what the behaviour looks like, why it might be happening, strategies you can use during and after the incident, and preventative strategies you can put in place to reduce, or eliminate, the behaviour in the future.

Pretty much everything you can think of is included, from shouting to sleep issues, disorganisation to dummies, hypochondria to homework.

We adopted our boys over two years ago and I’ll be honest with you: the first two years were simply about keeping head above water. Now that I’m out of the initial haze, I’ve had time to read more deeply and widely about trauma, attachment and parenting.

But in those early days? This book would have been SO HELPFUL. You can literally just look up the behaviour your child is struggling with, read a couple of pages, and be armed with so many ideas for how to prevent and deal with it.

For example, two issues we’re constantly up against in our household are aggression and controlling behaviour. Both of these are included in this book, and both of the articles gave me strategies I could start using straight away, with further ideas to think about long-term.

If you’re in the early days of adoption or fostering, with little time to read lengthy and technical books, but need something quick which will actually help you, this is the one. It would also make a fabulous adoption shower gift.

Quite simply, this is THE most practical and helpful book on parenting that I’ve seen!

Sounds good! What a shame only adoptive and fostering families can make use of it.

Did I say that?!

Whilst therapeutic parenting is a fabulous (and, in my opinion, the only workable) way to parent vulnerable children, the approach does no harm to other children – and, in fact, will usually help them too!

Many birth children will have suffered trauma in their early lives too (a complicated birth, bereavement of someone close to them, an absent parent or parental relationship breakdown, etc.), and may well be presenting the behaviours listed in this book.

And, even for children who have led un-traumatised lives, these behaviours will sound familiar! I have two birth children who fall into this category, but they still present difficult behaviours, and I know that many of the strategies Sarah Naish outlines in this book will really help them (and me) too.

So this book is good for all parents – great! But who is this Sarah Naish woman? Bet she doesn’t actually have any kids, right?

Wrong!

Sarah Naish has an incredibly inspiring background which involves a career in social work, followed by adopting five siblings, followed by her husband suffering from compassion fatigue and walking out, followed by a few years of single-handedly parenting these five damaged and wounded children. (Yep, you read that right. FIVE. On her own. Geez. I have huge respect for any single parent.)

She eventually got re-married (to an impossibly-awesome-sounding guy!), and her children are now grown up. Sarah now works with hundreds of families to support them in their parenting journeys, through the National Association of Therapeutic Parents, which she set up, and the Inspire Training Group, which delivers training on attachment issues. She’s written several books.

I think the girl probably knows what she’s talking about.

OK, you win. I’ll bet she’s a bit patronising, though, with all that experience.

No! That’s another fab thing about this book: it didn’t make me feel rubbish about my own (often inadequate) parenting. Sarah understands that we’re human, that we don’t always act as we’d like to. She’s a great believer in new starts, in picking ourselves up after something’s gone wrong, and having another go. I loved her forgiving and encouraging tone.

Sounds brilliant! How does one get hold of a copy?

It’s available from all good booksellers – cheapest price at time of writing is right here, at Blackwell’s.

And why not check out The Mermaid Who Couldn’t, a book aimed at adopted children?

What does the Bible say about Therapeutic Parenting?

Related posts:

HOW SHOULD I TEACH RACIAL EQUALITY TO MY KIDS? (4 BAME FAMILIES SPEAK UP)

5 FABULOUS THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH YOUR FAMILY THIS LENT

2 MYTHS ABOUT STAY-AT-HOME PARENTING

SHOULD WE AVOID MOTHERS' DAY JUST BECAUSE IT'S HARD?

CAN YOU IMAGINE HAVING NO FATHER?

HOW NOT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR IN-LAWS

TALKING TO KIDS WITH WORDS OF GRACE

EYE CAN WRITE - REVIEW

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Adoption· Family Life· Parenting· Parenting an Adopted Child

The Hope Filled Family (thehopefilledfamily.com) is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Programme, an affiliate advertising programme designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com, Amazon.co.uk, and all regional Amazon sites.

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Ben Thorp says

    May 9, 2018 at 8:42 pm

    Sounds interesting. Do you think it covers the full age range of kids?

    Reply
    • desertmum says

      May 9, 2018 at 9:00 pm

      Absolutely! SN’s kids are now late teens/twenties, so she’s had experience of everything from preschool to adulthood! Lots of the behaviours are things which we won’t hit until later on, e.g. homework, social media issues, smoking, etc.

      Reply
  2. Sarah Anthony says

    May 9, 2018 at 8:53 pm

    I’d like to enter please!

    Reply
    • desertmum says

      May 9, 2018 at 9:00 pm

      Done!

      Reply
  3. Rebecca Taylor says

    May 9, 2018 at 9:16 pm

    I would love a free copy!

    Reply
    • desertmum says

      May 9, 2018 at 9:52 pm

      Done!

      Reply
  4. Helen Warry says

    May 9, 2018 at 9:50 pm

    Please enter me too! Sounds like it would be really helpful for work

    Reply
    • desertmum says

      May 9, 2018 at 9:52 pm

      Done!

      Reply
  5. RuthS says

    May 9, 2018 at 10:39 pm

    Please enter me!

    Reply
    • desertmum says

      May 10, 2018 at 11:03 am

      Sure! Please can you just confirm that you’re signed up to the email updates? You may well be but I can’t identify you… Thanks!

      Reply
  6. Liz Rymill says

    May 10, 2018 at 4:12 am

    Sounds really interesting – I’d love to be in the draw too!

    Reply
    • desertmum says

      May 10, 2018 at 11:40 am

      Done!

      Reply
  7. Living Life to the Full - Izzy's Blog says

    May 10, 2018 at 6:32 am

    Yes please! X

    Reply
    • desertmum says

      May 10, 2018 at 11:40 am

      Done!

      Reply
  8. Tracy says

    May 10, 2018 at 11:49 am

    Sounds like just what I’m after. Please can I enter.

    Reply
    • desertmum says

      May 10, 2018 at 11:01 am

      Hi Tracy, no problem! Please click on the link to subscribe to email updates and you’ll be entered!

      Reply
  9. Kanako says

    May 10, 2018 at 12:32 pm

    Please enter me too!

    Reply
    • desertmum says

      May 10, 2018 at 11:40 am

      Done!

      Reply
  10. Kate says

    May 13, 2018 at 5:24 pm

    Oh go on then… I never win anything though!

    Reply
  11. Jessica says

    May 16, 2018 at 6:35 pm

    This book sounds great and is definitely going on my wishlist. I love that you touch on how therapeutic parenting does not just have to be adopted/fostered kids. I have 2 birth kiddos and about to start our home study. Did you adopt your two boys as a sibling group at the same time? Would love to chat more with you if you did. Struggling to find adopters to speak with who have adopted 2 with birth kids already in the home.

    Reply
    • desertmum says

      May 16, 2018 at 6:40 pm

      Very happy to chat! Do you want to drop me an email on lucyrycroft3@gmail.com? No rush! Whenever you have time.

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Brilliant books, BBQs, and a post that went (my version of) viral! (What I’m into – May 2018) says:
    June 1, 2018 at 9:05 pm

    […] I wrote about the challenges of parenting in The Day of Demands, the challenges of marriage (not least royal marriage) in Dysfunctional Families? There’s hope in marriage! and the challenges of adoption in my review of The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting. […]

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  2. The Mermaid Who Couldn’t – review and GIVEAWAY!! says:
    June 2, 2018 at 8:52 pm

    […] if you haven’t already, why not read my review of The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting? It’s another brilliantly helpful JKP […]

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  3. Five ways my Toddlers are Different From Yours says:
    June 13, 2018 at 8:31 pm

    […] If you’re in a similar position to me, I can’t recommend The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting highly enough – read my review here. […]

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  4. The Diary of a (trying to be holy) Mum – review and GIVEAWAY!!! – desertmum says:
    July 7, 2018 at 10:46 pm

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  9. What does the Bible say about therapeutic parenting? says:
    January 28, 2019 at 2:18 pm

    […] One of the respondents recommended the National Association of Therapeutic Parents to me, and I joined their Facebook group, later reading and reviewing founder Sarah Naish’s incredibly helpful book The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting. […]

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  10. Five ways my toddlers are different from yours says:
    January 28, 2019 at 2:47 pm

    […] If you’re in a similar position to me, I can’t recommend The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting highly enough – read my review here. […]

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  11. Adoption and Vicarages: How do I keep children safe in a ‘public’ family space? says:
    January 29, 2019 at 2:53 pm

    […] The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting […]

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    July 16, 2019 at 10:26 am

    […] This post has moved! Check it out on my shiny new website here. […]

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  14. Is Adoption Screwing Up My Birth Kids? - Desertmum says:
    July 29, 2019 at 11:08 pm

    […] Are they having a harder childhood than they would have done without adoption? Undoubtedly. But if we hadn’t adopted then we might have relocated, or I might have gone back to work sooner, or we might have become distracted with other projects and commitments. We’d likely never have discovered therapeutic parenting, which has been so helpful for all four of our kids (click here to read my review of The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting). […]

    Reply
  15. How to Talk to Kids? Try Words of Grace (Review and Giveaway!) - Desertmum says:
    August 11, 2019 at 7:18 pm

    […] what he said in the honesty section about seeing the heart behind the behaviour reminded me of the therapeutic parenting we use with our blended family. Jesus totally used this technique too – it’s not new! […]

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  16. What we Teach our Adopted Children about Santa - Desertmum says:
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  17. When Natural Consequences Don't Work (Three Examples) - Desertmum says:
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  18. Understanding Disorganized Attachment in Your Child: What, Why and How? - Desertmum says:
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    […] I do, however, recommend that if your child is struggling with disorganized/disoriented attachment, you grab a copy of Sarah Naish’s excellent A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting, which is full of life-saving strategies for over 60 common behaviours in adopted/fostered children (read my honest review here). […]

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  19. WHAT WE TEACH OUR ADOPTED CHILDREN ABOUT SANTA says:
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  21. IS ADOPTION SCREWING UP MY BIRTH KIDS? says:
    April 29, 2020 at 2:24 pm

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  22. ADOPTION IS FOR EVERYONE says:
    May 19, 2020 at 11:44 am

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  23. THE MERMAID WHO COULDN’T – BOOK REVIEW says:
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    June 1, 2020 at 9:06 pm

    […] what he said in the honesty section about seeing the heart behind the behaviour reminded me of the therapeutic parenting we use with our blended family. Jesus totally used this technique too – it’s not new! […]

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  25. WHY ADOPTED CHILDREN SUFFER – EVEN IF THEY’VE BEEN IN CARE SINCE BIRTH says:
    June 2, 2020 at 10:49 pm

    […] Therapeutic parenting and other empathic strategies can work to an extent, but ultimately this sense of loss and separation is an aspect of an adopted child’s identity which will never go away. We were designed to be raised by the person inside whom we grew. If we’re not, then we feel the effects. […]

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  26. WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY ABOUT THERAPEUTIC PARENTING? says:
    June 2, 2020 at 11:24 pm

    […] One of the respondents recommended the National Association of Therapeutic Parents to me, and I joined their Facebook group. I later read and reviewed founder Sarah Naish’s incredibly helpful book The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting. […]

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  27. 5 WAYS MY TODDLERS ARE DIFFERENT FROM YOURS says:
    June 4, 2020 at 10:25 am

    […] If you’re in a similar position to me, I can’t recommend The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting highly enough – read my review here. […]

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  28. FIVE QUESTIONS TO ASK A PROSPECTIVE SCHOOL (WHEN YOUR CHILD IS ADOPTED OR FOSTERED) - The Hope-Filled Family says:
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    […] and make better decisions in the future. (This is the crux of therapeutic parenting – and The A-Z of Therepeutic Parenting is an absolute must for adoptive/fostering families and schools if you don’t already have […]

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